Dubai is Bankrupt.

Some day I just keep pretending
That you'll stay
Dreaming of a different ending.

Well, they are. I remember reading this email a couple of months back, which talks about the future of Dubai; all these wonderful buildings and pretty sights. Dubai was one of the fastest growing city in the world. Probably was THE fastest growing city in the world. You would not think, though, where the money comes from. You'd think, oh the middle east, it's the oil. It is not. They are based on foreign investments. Now I am not the person to talk about this. I am an economics layman, as Ms. Jess would say.

What brings me down is how quick the human race changes their POV. One day, they are all,"Ooooh, Dubai so pretty." Once the announcement came out, they keep picking all these things with Dubai and insulting them with it. It is cruel. One of the reasons why I am losing faith in mankind.

On the bright side, UAE is giving Dubai a 10 billion loan to stand back on its feet. Good for you.

World news and worries aside, I am with the Mother in Newcastle.

I am so going to St John's College, Cambridge for my post-grad. Not because it's the top University or anything like that. The whole Oxbridge effect is completely lost on my nowadays. I want to go there because it looks a lot like Hogwarts. I saw this thread about which colleges look most like Hogwarts and it led me to a gallery of Cambridge and St. John's look amazing. :D Do they accept Post-grads, though? Got to check that out.

So yesterday, Kaka Aida brought her two friends from MS here. It is so weird you know. Back then, they were like "older people" and I thought I was goign to be "older people" one day but I won't like, talk and have good conversation with my "older people", you know. But we did and it was good.

Then I saw Twilight 2. It was dragging and annoying at first, but then it got exciting a bit, then Bella chose Edward (who looks ugly topless, I swear) over Jacob (while I would not say he is hot, he is considerably more attractive than Edward). Bella so stupid.

"Don't make me choose because you know it's going to be him."

You ungrateful b*tch. Edward freaking left you and Jacob was there doing the dirty job of mending your cold heart. pfft.

Then I saw X-Factor. While I hated Jedward because Lucie went out instead of them, X-Factor wasn't right without their huge productions. Oh well. It was a good night nonetheless.

Hari Raya Haji celebration at the mothers where I get to see all the Newcastle/Northumbria freshers and man, if I were to put a name to that night, it would have been called Awkward. Except, Zakiah was there and we did a whole lot of catching up. Weird. SHe's one of the "adults" now. She calls my mother "Kaka". My friend refers to my mother as an older sister!

Anyway, now she's rushing me to do something. My mother is always in a rush. And she rushes people. I hate being rushed. :(











Sexy:
Not New Moon. 1L of Pepsi. ;)

Unsexy:
Long train rides. Oh the torture!

This post talks a lot about my brother

It is so funny when you look at twelve year old prepubescent pre-teen girl profile picture on facebook and they look like a clown. Like literally look like clowns. Blusher smudged all over their cheeks, a pathetic attempt at lining their eyes and do not even get me started on their mascara. Puh-lease. It is disgusting. We know you're twelve, biatch, get over it! Syafi'ie, you got pwned!

I haven't talked to my brother in ages. I've talked to my parents, sister, and my cousins and my aunts and uncles and neneks but my brother is just like a Yeti. Hidden everytime I make contact with Brunei. Like people talk about him but I've never actually seen him. Which probably explains my dream last night in which my brother was lost. Lost, can not be found, no where to be seen.

This morning I woke up at 8.43 after Kate called me. Registration starts 8.30 and class 8.40. Needless to say, I missed registration. I had to brush my teeth, get changed and run to class. I did not even brush my hair, I just clipped it back. God, I looked terrible (not as terrible as clowns :p) I mean, I considered this happening in University, because I thought that comes with the territory of being a Uni student you know. But this is so... uncalled for.

That was Yesterday.

This is today.

Today we had PER. We're still doing the whole thing with "finding who you are", which I find really exciting. And this is what I figured.

My dad has carved all these principles to live by in my brain since I was a child. I have no idea why. I do not see him doing the same to PE and Anis. Maybe he just loves me more :p But anyway, he had all these things he told me to live my life by and eventhough I can not list them all out at gunpoint, when I am faced with a situation, I remember what he says. Like,yesterday, I told Awi I am doing Politics and he asked me if I wanted to take over Brunei. Then I remember what Babah said.

He said, Leaders are there for a reason. You might not agree with them or you might not like them. It does not matter. You need to respect them and follow their orders. You can advise them or suggest another solution but you should not insult them or embarass them in public or something like it.

It is true, you know. Leaders are chosen by a higher power, be it by God (as like in a monarchy, God has chosen that individual to be born into the reigning family) or by the people (as like in a democracy). I believe in "there is a reason for everything" and I believe a leader, once established and the right way (not by stealing powers or wars) should be respected and you should not go against them. Unless, ofcourse, they lead you to a path against God. That is a whole different story.

I also noticed that I behave differently in front of people and my close friends. In front of , say, my housemates, my jokes lean more towards the self-deprecating humour type. Then when I am with Baz and Sya and Jee and theose people, my jokes are more like Obnoxious "yeah, I am amazing" type. Both are funny, what can I say, I am a funny person :p I can not help thinkign though what that shows. Maybe I am the type with a few close friends. I can not stand having just a few friends but what I am comfortable with is having a hell lot of friends but just a few close one, you know.



So in summary, if the jokes I tell you are obnoxious ones, means I am comfortable with you.

This is today after school

Just a little note I can not help but saying. There is a lot of twelve year olds deciding their future right now. I know and understand that it is not fair for you to have to decide your future at such a young age. I , myself have considered three to four different careers before settling with Politics. Even then I might change to Economic or other Social Sciences come  Post-Graduate.

Anyway, my point is, I appreciate that your parents are in a big muddle now, I know mine are, of my brother. My brother could not care less, I know, but my parents are having a huge headache deciding whats best for him so I've got a few tips for you 12 year olds.

1. Help your parents, for goodness' sake. It is your freaking future!

2. Take science, if you are able. Not my brother. He is terrible. He's got a good brain, probably even better than mine, I would admit, but with a shit attitude. Science gives you a broader range of subjects to choose from at Sixth Form. Do three science and Maths, I would say. Add Maths is pretty useful but it is not a must. Just do the science stream. It will help you loads, I promise. If you do science, you can still go do french or art or computer and continue with those in Sixth Form.

3. No shit attitude. Shit attitude meaning the whole "I'd rather be cool than smart" thing, yes my brother has it. I tell you what, coolness can come later in life, okay? You will go through life with more than one group of friends. So who gives shit if your Secondary friends think you are a geek. With any luck, you'll get a scholarship for sixth form and you'll get a different group of friend (in fact, two new groups: brunei scholars and UK schoolmates). Then there is University friends, then workplace friends. Really, nobody gives shit about what you are at Form 3. Your income at age 25 matters.

I know I am probably a bit too young to be giving advice on life but trust me, follow my advice (if able, that is) and you will at least survive until sixth form.

By the way, what kind of bull school system is that? Giving people sets of subjects. At this point in life, you should be building your basics. Whichever one seems the most stable and easy for you to build, you build more on once you get to sixth form. But to give you like, one area to build on only is like building an entire country on wood, without even considering the benefits of concrete buildings. That is bull. Pull it together, PDS! Or SMS, as you call it now.

Sexy: Midnighters. The book. Sci-Fi YAs are THE best. And Hank Green's "This Machine Pwns Noobs" pack.

Unsexy: Apart from PDS, long post like this one because you spend so much time on story book you have no time to blog and when you blog it gets a tad bit too long.

When it gets tough, got to fight some more

I think I have run out of goodbyes. I went back to Cambridge later than most so I had to say goodbye to all these people. Then I had to go myself. I was literally terrified of going back to school. What does that say about A Levels eh?

Either way, I've got to get back on the ball soon and keep it rolling at a steady speed. *bad metaphor alert* If I dont get back on the ball in the next four weeks, before Christmas hols, I might just spiral down the black hole. I know I am going to get more depressed knowing my friends back at home have 8 months free from school and I have another 6 months until I get a break. I know I am going to get worse come January. So I need to work my best to make sure I do not start failing. Life is so hard.

Nonetheless, I had a great weekend. I set this weekend to spend with Baz and Jee because I haven't hung out with them in ages. I felt guilty, tbh. So even when I was tempted to join Opah's gang to Canary Wharf, I did not. And it proved to be the right decision to make. I had great fun with Baz and her junies, Zee and Dhirah. Jee didn't join us until dinner but it was still good.

We had a flash back to the past. You know I have always thought I was a good kid. I always thought my life was boring and dull. Well, when I looked back to the old times, I was not. I was probably even worse than my brother! Since I am a shameless little exhibitionist, I am going to list down all of the bad things I did, most of which concentrated on Form2. Please do not judge, I was young and stupid. I will not do these things again, ever, promise.

Muizzah's bad deeds in MS:

("we" refers to me, nani, baz. if I am going to get in trouble, you guys are coming with me!)

1. Escaping Sembahyang Zuhur time Ugama. I had so many ways! I swear it was a huge game of hide and seek.

a) earlier times when the teachers did not make a huge search everytime timme sembahyang, we would hang out di jamban PAI saja. Just doing completely nothing.

b) when our hiding place was found, we hid in the staircase where we would "chaperone" RamMuiz dating. It was HILARIOUS.

c) when all else failed, we went to the teachers' office and asked for help. That way, we had a valid excuse and it was not called "escaping". I think that was my most genius idea yet, in my seventeen years of life. Haha.

2. Getting out of class. Our teacher was never in class so he'd leave us with some work, which is mostly just reading the Quran. But oh no, we would not have stayed for that because we thought we were so cool. So instead, we would play Bingo (yes, apparently cool people play BINGO) and crown the winners (King, Queen, Crown princess!). Then we would parade to PAI toilet and feel the wind blowing in our faces.

3. I am going to get a load of bull for this: walking on top of the rooftop. Yeah, you read that right, I was on the roof, with Sya. Baz would "record" us (with her hands!). We had a show, actually, on that rooftop. It was called CNN (Cerita Nada-Nada) and it could "air" during lunch or during one of our Bingo celebrations.

The roof was by the basketball court and once, the ball went on the roof while we were there and Sya and I just stared as the boy climbed and get the ball. I don't know why. It really isn't like if we froze there, it would hide us or stop us from being seen on the rooftop. We were there and they saw.

4. Coming to class late ALL THE TIME. And in class, we spent time taking pictures of ourselves with Baz's phone cause hers was the most flyyyyy of them all. And Lina would be taking them and we were just laughing our heads off when we were supposed to be doing work.

5. I had a fight. But in my defence, I was being set up! This one friend of mine told me to my face that "FINA HATES YOU". So I was pissed and thinking I had the power to take on the world if I had to, went around saying, "Where is that Fina, we've got to chat!"

Unfortunately, the news spread and Fina came looking for me one breaktime. So we had a talk (read: screamed in each other's faces) which I lost because I was such a loser. Fina denied to ever talking crap about me and I was like, oh no you didn't. Thank God, Fiqah was there to break the fight.

When I asked Haz immediately after the fight to prove that Fina WAS an ass, she said "Actually, I have a fight with Khaliilah and she said that even Fina hates all of my friends." While I was glad she considered me a friend, I was not sure I felt the same way about her getting me into a fight.

7. I also had a fight with Syarifah, quite a number of times. We would have all these fights which would all end up in me running to the toilet crying and Baz and Nani comforting me. She was a b*tch back then, I swear. She looked so nice and not evil but you have to get into that brain to know the truth. But guess what, she is now my BEST friend. With Baz of course. But if I had to say anything about that, I would say, atleast I know Baz and Nani was on my side. Ohhh burnnnnnnnn. Oh, even Muiz Wali. Boo yah!

8. This is something I got from Nani. At one point in late Form 2, I would take down (read: tear) basically all posters that come into my sight. I was caught one tearing down a warning poster by Cikgu Yassin and this is what I said in my defence but please don't judge "Oh, the Grammar was wrong." Hell yeah. Dood, you are one bad liar.

9. Last but not least, we did something I was not sure was even legal. It probably was but was just against the school rules. Whatever it is, this is one secret I am taking to the grave. We never got caught and we did not do any permanent damage. Baz, Nani, we should make a promise on our blood that we would never ever ever again talk about it to people. Haha.

So I am not that boring afterall. There was a few more we were talking about like Baz trying to be badass but shrunk at the sight of the Discipline Teacher and Syarifah teaching me how to stalk by hiding behind the bushes by the boys' side of the canteen but you know, that is their story to tell.

Although, I want to get one thing straight: Eventhough I have done quite a number of embarassingly bad things, I have never and hopefully will never ever ever

a)smoke

b)drink nor get drunk

c)do drugs

d)cheat on an exam

e)steal

f)kill someone

So you can be glad for that.

Oh my god, that was embarassing. Now I am terrified people will judge me. Believe it or not, I actually thought I was cool when I did said things. I was a terrible little girl. I am seriously thankful to God for actually giving me all these things even after what I do. I am not taking things for granted again. Although if I had to go back to Form 2 again, I would not change a thing about it. It was a stupid year and it was an embarassing year but then it is a year that I'll always remember.

I have left MS thinking that I have done nothing of significance to my life (except for maybe, you know, immortalising my name on a trophy in the conference room because I was the only person who got A1 in BM in the whole school, not to be showing off or anything *ahem*) but now I thank Baz, Nani and Sya for these memories.

Back to my weekend. all in all it was great. I have clips of me making fools out of Erwan, Opah and Ian (in that order). I am a great actress and a convincing liar. Pffffffft.

I am terrified of going back to school!

Sexy: Tonight's X-Factor results. I am going to miss John and Edward.

Unsexy: me at form two. Ugh I cringe at the thought! SO embarassing!

The 'rents are probably going to make me take this down. Boo.

Sunday overdue

So... on Sunday, we went punting! Again! It was boring though because we had to share the boat with some other tourists and the guide was not as cool as our guide before but whatever. A tour of Cambridge. Nothing like that little reminder of how you are not smart enough to deserve the privilege of even applying to the university. I was not that bitter during the whole thing though, atleast I hope I wasn't.

I went home tired, my feet were about to fall off and I smelled like I took a bath in a tub of whiskey. Now going around Cambridge, the quaint little town that it is, there is really no need to waste your pennies on bus fare, which is why, after a whole day of continuous walking, I was surprised my legs are still attached to my body. And as for coming home smelling like a bottle of wine, no, I did not drink alcohol (like you would even thought of that for one second!). The girls and the junies and the two boys and me, we went out for lunch and one of them spilled their drink on me, leaving my shirt smelling like really strong perfume from the Happy Star shop. Just loved the possibility of scaring someone who would be naive enough to think I would do something bad for even a second.

I am now at peace with Biology. I am not ace-ing it or anything, far from. I am barely over the passing line but at least I am passing. So I sit in class without having to worry about the teacher biting my head off every minute. Unfortunately, in Chemistry, I seem to be slipping, failing at any given chance. So that jittery nervous feeling I used to get in Biology, I get it in Chemistry. I can never seem to strike the perfect balance!

It got me wondering if this is one of those quit-while-you're-ahead things.




OH, I got in the Model United Nations conference. I am going to Netherlands, InsyaAllah. Nothing set in stone though because if the government is not paying for the tickets and the costs, I would much rather sit at home studying FP1 (not really, but what choice does a poor starving student have?). I sound like the typical spoilt Bruneian.

Speaking of which, I was thinking, I spend so much time and I do so much just to get an ounce of respect. You know some people just get respect naturally. I am one of those who have to work hard to earn it and it is really pathetic. I am now doubting my leadership abilities. It is easy when you've got a group of vulnerable prepubescent children at Science camp. The real world is a whole different ball park. Especially in the office. You can persuade ten happy and young people to commit suicide before you can make an old man change his mind. True? Agreed?


There are a few places I want to go to first before I get a job, or in between, because I do not want to be the "young blood" with no experience. Travelling, I think would benefit me in more than one way. So I made a list of places I want to visit, maybe spend a couple of months there just to get a feel of living in a whole different society.

• Austria, Serbia Montenegro - I learnt about this place so much at one point in my life because of History but I never really knew the place. I don't know anything about it except for its involvement in the World War, so I would be more than happy to learn more about this place.
• Bosnia and Herzegovino - When I was a kid people used to accuse me of being an adopted Bosnian kid, all in good humour, ofcourse. So it is just natural that I want to see this place whose people I supposedly used to look like as a kid.
  
• Morocco - Colours, and world class market. You should never be called a traveller even if you have traveeled to half the countries in the world if you have not been here, so I have been told. I don't know but there is just something about it that attracts me. I have this image of a cross between the Middle East and Europe, although I might easily be wrong.
  
• Hawaiian Islands, USA - I grew up with American TV shows and in these TV shows, whenever people say retreat, the word "Hawaii" is usually not far behind. This is more of a self-retreat thing than a learn-from-the-world thing. I want to learn how to surf and I want to ride those huge waves. I am a kid of the beach. Some kids are born for the city, some for the jungle, some in their rooms but me, I am born for the beach. I can not imagine my life had I not grown up next to a quiet beautiful beach.
  
• Cape of Good Hope, South Africa - Again, it is all about history. I don't know. So many people in the past have found some sort of relief when they got here. Relieved after a long journey at sea. Something. I hope to find my "relief" when I get there.
  
• Southern Thailand - Like Hawaii, I am thinking of a resort by the beach and beautiful sunset. I went there once and I left the place feeling a strong attraction calling me to come back. And I will, some time in the future, I will.
  
• Mongolia - Because I want to learn about the place that made China, a strong and big country, build The Great Wall of China, to protect themselves against. These people have got to be some sort of amazing, right?
  
• New Zealand - Because it is New Zealand, duh! There is no reason why I should not want to go there.
  
• East Russia - I want to see the Asian part of a European country? No doesn't make sense. I want to know what it is like living in a country that big. Do they feel left behind by the government or are their gov't so good that they manage to take care of such a huge country so efficiently. I just want to know the whole Political and Cultural thing they've got going.
  
• Switzerland -  Like New Zealand, there is no reason why I should not want to go here. I want to go to that country that is sooooo rich. I want to go to the country that has received the trust of so many governments. The country that basically the whole world invests in if they have money. If I were allowed to go to only one European country in my life, as of now, I think that country would be Switzerland.
  
• Jordan - Honestly, I don't know. I just want to go there because I want to go somewhere not everyone has been before.

I have to go to the Ladies' Room now. So that is long enough as it is and I really need to go.



Sexy:
Travelling. I think for my honeymoon, I would like to go backpacking. If my husband and I survive the first few weeks of marriage waking up to each other's dirty selves and living on a tight budget as well, we will surely survive living together for the rest of our lives.

Unsexy:
You know those Korean shows where old men get married to teen girls like Sixteen year old bride or Eighteen year old bride? I think they are written by old single men.

More Uni grumbles and rant.

I am so sick of A-Levels. So sick of school and working hard. Tests, left, right, front and centre. Homework piling by the second. Teachers constantly trying to push you to the very limits. I just get so fed up, you know. It is like eating. Exciting at first, when you're hungry. Then they just keep feeding you with all these different food at one point you just feel like you are going to burst. Another bad metaphor.

I can not wait to just get this over and done with. Get myself to university already. LSE and York have received my application. Funny how the two universities that are my top choices and at the bottom of the list of my application are the first to reply to me.

I can not wait to that time when I get to roll out of bed at one in the afternoon, brush my teeth and rush to class. Or when I get to do my homework at like 10 in the morning when I have got no class, no set prep time. Getting only two or three assignments a week with lots of free time when I am awake to be doing them. Finally, free of science and all sorts of views how science is supposed to be better than arts. Yes, that is what I am expecting my life in University to be, which

1. explains why I am not an oxbridge candidate

2. I  WILL do and whatever you say to try to make me less of a potato couch will not change.

I hope people are not lying to me when they say A Level will be the hardest exam of your life because otherwise, I will be very very VERY disappointed.

Oh in case you did not pick up the enthusiasm in the second paragraph:

LSE AND YORK RECEIVED MY APPLICATION! THEY ARE CONSIDERING IT NOW AS WE SPEAK. AREN'T YOU EXCITED/SCARED/NERVOUS?! I KNOW I AM!

A lot of my friends already have offers. Sometimes, I think that my PS seem quite impressive. I wrote a published book (sort of with the Thailand thing SoE), went to represent my country in Thailand, went to represent my school in BGIC, scholarship, work attachment. Then I thought it was a bit too dull, and plain like I am not exciting enough. Then I thought other people have participated in world wide events (see, people are applying from ALL OVER THE WORLD). Then, I thought, people get straight As. Then I get depressed and slit my wrist (no, I don't).

Some stupid Uni better accept me. I mean, those ultra cool, mega fun, super exciting Unis I applied to better accept me *ehem*LSEYorkSheffield*ehem*.

Sexy:

*ehem*LSEYorkSheffield*ehem* University life! CAN NOT WAIT!

Unsexy:

The path of most resistance. Unfortunately, I think I am on it.

weekends are DA bomb!

DISCLAIMER: Do not mean to offend anyone, but I always do anyway.

ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: Contains spoilers for 2012.

SHABOOYAH

When I was a kid, I used to see my mother talk with these complete strangers and the conversation just seem to flow, you know. I thought it was a Bruneian thing. I know it is a Bruneian thing, everyone is related to everyone one way or another. And I thought that I will be like that when I grow up. I thought I'll just like, grow into it. And I think I did. Because we met a Bruneian in town just now and I just kept talking with the mother on and on and Amal just stood there probably thinking "Muizzah, we need to get going because Farid and Cody might come soon," but I just kept blabbing like it was nobody's business. Haha. So sad.

Cody and Farid arrived here. We ate at Pizza Hut where there were THREE birthday parties being held. Then the Arcade was inevitable. I got a new obsession: arcade shooting games. THE BEST. By the time we got to the movies (mind you this was all happening in the same building), the seats were full and we had to go the the frontmost row. Dire consequences, I tell you. My neck hurts, Farid's hair got all messed up, and I think none of us actually followed the movie through and through.

But you know me, I think too much, analyse too much, talk too much about something that was meant to be so simple. My dad is really the only one who will actually listen to all the crap I say. Even The Mother just go "Izzah, go talk to your dad, I really don't know about these things." So naturally, eventhough my mind was being fed the information and visuals without nuch need of processing, I felt the need to process nonetheless. So I did.

ONE:

The movie said the sun was spitting more eruptions than normal and it is having an effect on the earth. The effect was that the Earth's core melts and the surface has no support, thus it shifts. See I don't know how something OUTSIDE the earth can affect the CORE of the earth without damaging the surface first.

TWO:

I was unsatisfied with the ending where the people survived. The survived the "Wrath of God" which was stupid. I guess if you do not see it as Kiamat, it makes sense that people survive but I have never heard about more than half of the world being wiped out being mentioned in the Quran, nor any other religious book for that matter. I really do believe they are thinking of the end of the world and I think it is quite offensive to the believers of God across all religion that they had survivors of the "apocalypse".

THREE:

Even if they did open the doors at the end, the people who could reach it were either the people who paid for the green pass (which is still a moral issue* eventhough it was addressed in the movie) or the people who were there so not all the people had the chance to be "saved". Say I live in Brunei, I am just going to be left behind?

*They had a ship to carry people out of the danger zone of the earth. To get on this ship, each seat/room costs a billion euros. That still does not ensure an entrance. They put a price tag on life, for goodness sake! What rights do we have to do that?

In the end, though, I did learn a valuable lesson. However amazing humans are with their inventions. Huge buildings with amazing architecture. Eiffel Tower stood for centuries. The beautiful detailed architecture of older buildings. Cars, mobile phones, TVs, they all are pretty amazing. But what I learnt was reminded of by this movie was that all of our creation, inventions, all of our creativity and intelligence can go in just a blink of an eye, if God chooses to.

Also, if I was not mistaken, Islam advises against (although does not prohibit) excessively grand buildings, i.e. tall huge buildings like skyscrapers. This is an advise given a long time ago, when humans could not imagine building buildings taller than 3 storeys high. Now, you see the reason behind that? Is it not amazing that that advise existed long before the world as we know it can even be imagined?

I am going to stop preaching now and get back to normal mode.

The movie was ridiculous, they should have just killed everyone. Ad what is with the new calendar at the end of the movie? They knew the date, so why not stick to it?

So the movie ended later than we expected. 10.45, actually. I felt so rebellious staying out until 11, excited. I only arrived home at 11.10pm. It was just me and Amal as we sent the guys back already because we were afraid they would get lost. They offered to send us back but nah. My dad would have a row if he knew but you know how I am. So rebellious, ain't I? *NOT*

Sexy:

Marks and Spencers' microwavable food. Makes life SO easy. Too bad it is so far from school.

Unsexy:

Thinking. God, I was in a movie, I should not have been thinking.

A look into the mind of Muizzah

My UCAS application has been sent. It is being processed. AAAAAHHHH!!!

I know it is so late.

But I am so excited.

And nervous.

And oh my God, I am so SCARED.

What if I do not get ittttt? Nauzubillah. Jauh Palissssss.

I am so excited for University. It is so real now. So feasible. So reachable. So do-able. But at the same time, so far and scary and like, soap you know. They might hand you a very slippery soap that can fall out of your hands and break. They might hand you a stable dry one that might stay in your hands. Your hands might be sweaty with excitement/nervousness/fear and you might slip it, even if it is dry. Gahhhh. What to do.

Here is my list of applied University, according to preference:

1. University of York - Social and Political Sciences

2. London School of Economics and Political Sciences - Social Policy with Government

3. Sheffield University - Politics with Sociology

4. University of Southampton - Politics with Sociology

5. Lancaster University - Politics (with a year abroad)

Yuo know, I think not a lot of people take on the challenge of a Politics Degree because people just go all, "OOOOHHH, POLITICS=CONTOVERSY." Which is not. politics is really quite useful. And what is with all that crap about science is like, more handal than humanities. Please lah yerrrr. Science and Humanities are both hard in their own ways. Humanities, in a way that it needs a lot of essays. Science in a way that it is factual so you are either right or wrong. You know. So don't go breaking my heart by saying that by doing politics instead of Medicine, I am taking a step down. Please lah ah. Noooooo. YOU ARE WRONG. Get some clue. Learn it, google it, don't just spew water okay. If you are going to spit on me, spit disgusting green slime, not just water. Oh mygod, bad metaphor, sorreh.

Anyway, aghhhhdskjnceidnndsjndxnsccjsdcnn WILL I GET IT? PLEASE DOAKAN PLEASE PLEASE. IF YOU HATE ME OR LOVE ME, I DON'T CARE JUST PLEASE DOAKAN DAPAT ESPECIALLY THE FIRST TWO. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

LAPAS SEMBAHYANG, INGATKAN UNTUK DOAKAN SI IZZAH

LAPAS MAKAN, DOAKAN IZZAH

LAPAS BERUS GIGI, DOAKAN SI IZZAH.

BANGUN TIDUR, DOAKAN SI IZZAH.

Pokoknya, I want you all to think of me as much as possible and everytime you do, pray for me. I will love you a little more with each prayer. Imagine if you pray a lot. I love you a lot more. and you know what love means, doncha? Love means kaching ching. HAHA. JKJKJK. Nah, I ain't that shallow. Still, I shall be indebted to you for the rest of my career.

Lots of love, Izzahhhhhhh. OHMYGOD, MY HEART IS JUST BURSTING WITH LIKE GOOD AND BAD EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW. ALL OF IT. GAHHHHHHH.

Give peace a chance

My Mock UN auditions went well. My speech was calm and even, points are clear. The teachers seemed to like it. I think one of them said at one point "We've got to try to get you in this," but I was not listening properly. Unfortunately, this is not Burnei. You can not just charm our way into things, you know. You've ot earn it and with people on the school's debate team auditioning as well, I feel my chances are slimming by the minute.

"You've done this (Model United Nations) before haven't you? So we're expecting great things from you."

Anyway, in History Film Club on Tuesday, we watched Band of Brothers. We finished the first one and are ten minutes into the second one. I felt so scared, like honestly shit scared when I was watching it. Because although, I have mentioned war a lot of times, and I have talked about it, researched about it and preached about it in my blog, I never really put a picture to it. In this film though, they created a vivid picture of D-Day, which was horrible. Jumping off the plane, even in mid-air, you are not safe because bullets, bombs are everywhere and you can barely see anything.

The movie follows a group of trained soldiers into the battlefield. TRAINED. Imagine people in Iraq, Afghanistan and Palestine, they had NO training. They were just immediately bombarded with all these bullets. Their only means of protection is to hope they stumble across some dead soldier's gun and shoot it randomly to anyone who looks remotely like the enemy. If they are lucky, they die the next day.

It's just...horrible.

Anyway, I have been going to sleep after school (because school is oh-so-tiring!) and I stick my new Sony in-ear headphones into my ear and oh my god, it was completely...amazing. I felt like the singer is singing to me, like I was there in front of them. Sony, thank you very much. Now I have Seal and Duran Duran serenading me to sleep everyday. HAHA.

Back to the GSA day, the workshop was pretty cool. As I have mentioned, the rest of the day was crap. Pretending to be busy when I obviously did not have anything to do. The workshop "How to be a great leader" was pretty informative. We were told to go in groups for a couple of minutes to think of what makes a great leader and I think one that every team came up with is Communication. They have to be able to use words to persuade people and better, up to the point of being able to manipulate people. Ofcourse, manipulating makes a bad leader, though. I came up with tons I can think of but yeah. Pretty cool.

Boomshakalaka. Nu'eyn ta do, mate.

Sexy:

Chartjackers. They are proof that the internet can be great.

Unsexy:

I've said it before and I'll say it again. I even mentioned it in my personal statement. WARS. End it now. I mean, as John Lennon said "Give peace a chance".

If you are wondering or scared that I make some controversial statement in my PS (which of course you would not be), I did not. I just said "It is a big dream to hope wars will end but to give a helping hand to the civilians caught in war is feasible" or something along the lines. :D

TO HELL WITH YOU

I am really sorry. I tried screaming into my pillow. I tried hiding under my duvet but it does not work. I need to put this in words to get this out of my system. A little cursing maybe but I'll keep it on the low.

I hate this shit dump you call school. First of all, I DID NOT volunteer for this stupid workshop, okay? The stupid school forced me into it. In assembly on Monday, the teacher said "You volunteered for this and you need to hand in your form or you will not join." I did NOT volunteer and they lost my permission form. So what do they do? The ride my back for it. Can I not join? "NO"

Then, they get ready for school at 7.00 AM, when half of the United Kingdom is still safe and warm under their duvet. When I arrived, I found out that my only job was to wait until 3pm for this man who I was supposed to just take to the hall. I was not even supposed to do anything significant. I spend ELEVEN hours in that dump just to bring this man into the main hall.

Moreover, they took me out of my lunch to wait on this coffee stand. Guess what I was supposed to do? Hold on to your seats, ladies and gentlemen, this is going to blow your mind. I was supposed to tell people off from getting coffee from the stand. I mean, how can you possibly smile to those thirsty and tired faces and say "The coffee is only for VIP Speakers."

At 3, when I had absolutely nothing else to do. My man was already in the hall (he was slightly early). So naturally, I was expected to go on that fucking early bus back to school. BUT NO. I DID NOT. So I waited. And waited, listening to these engineers talk about things I honestly could not give a rat's shit about. I was the first person standing there at 5 waiting for the bus. Mrs R said I was on the SECOND bus. I started to ask why and she told me off. JUST LIKE THAT. She gave me a whole load of shit about how it has been a long day and I should just shut the hell up. Good news, the buses went at the same time. Bad news, the second bus had to go back and get this man we left. So we did go home late afterall.

I was forced into this thing, forced to represent this school in the best way possible and I did not even get a stupid "THANK YOU" for all I did. Instead, I got told off. Thanks school, thank you very much. I can not wait to get out of this bloody place.

Highlights next time. Too bloody pissed to think of any good thing about the day. I think though, it's just that time of month, that is why I am so cranky. It might also be the fact that the one friend I had that day had an actual job so was busy and I was freaking lonely and completely out of my element. Nonetheless, to hell with you school. Rot in hell.

Sexy:

Shit

Unsexy:

St Mary's School. I mean, ISB held BGIC, which involved a school from across the world and schools from other countries and they maintained their cool and their student reps left the event with a huge smile on their faces. I bet they even got thanked for all their hard work.

hullo thurrrrrrr

Buy I've Got Nothing by ChartJackers on iTunes, of you are in the UK or are using a UK iTunes account. All proceeds go to Charity. It's a catchy song, AND you get to do good at the same time. What else can you ask for for 69p? If you say a bottle of coke, I will hate you forever.

I have this GSA thing on Wednesday. My job is to get Mr. Terry Holloway, who I have never heard of and frankly, could not care less about, to the main hall (which I don't know where) and then let him give his speech. Afterwards, I am supposed to give this little speech to thank him about his speech, which I need to do on the spot because I do not know what he is going to talk about. I am supposed to talk about how my life now has a completely different perspective after listening to his speech. That I have found spiritual enlightenment through Mr Terry Holloway's ten minutes speech. What a load of bullcrap.


I am not actually supposed to say that but you get my point.

My dailybooth newsfeed is full of Tikah's comment on other people's picture. I think she comments on everyone's pictures. ;) I made a secret plan with her. I still haven't done what I promised her I'd do. Well well. Busy life, innit, dearests? Between homework, tests and Sanay Wala Nang Wakas, I just haven't got the time.

In other news, I am behind on my homework but I've done all that needed to be handed in tomorrow already and I am going to go to sleep by 10.15 because for one day in my wretched life in this dismal country, I am NOT going to have eyebags. Whoopteedoodah.

Ooh, by the by, High Comm of Brunei was on TV on Sunday for Remembrance Sunday. I got so excited even though I have no idea who he is. Kate was annoyed/embarrassed that I jump at the slightest mention of Brunei.
It is just that, you come from a small country and you get used to getting left behind or getting mistaken for some godforsaken country in the Middle East that you just forget that anyone other than your people have the smallest chance of recognising Brunei. Brunei ftw.

We'll make Brunei unmissable to the world. Small is powerful, believe it. LOL.







Sexy:
Brunei Gov't Scholarship. How else can I possibly learn to live by myself, manage my income by myself and get to go to school+university for free? I laaaave. Not to mention the added benefits of being able to spend 500 pounds on Oxford Street a month. Shabooooowwww-yah!

Unsexy:
UCAS Applications. Oh my goodness, I have filled my UCAS in wrongly, sent my it, got it returned by my form tutor, filled it in wrongly again and I need to wait until he resend it back to me tomorrow morning before I can send it again and check check check, THEN I get to actually send it.

One minute till bedtime. Toodle-oo.

Private, Jennifer's Body and sleeping in.

Saturday. Oh my god I love Saturday. So. Friday was a good end to the school week.

In PER, we're doing this "search yourself" kind of course. Which is awesome, because as you might tell, I love talking about myself. It's basically all I've been doing all through this blog. The only thing is that the teacher is so...hyper that it scares me.

Then I spent my free period cleaning up my room for like, the millionth time just this week and it's Saturday morning and it is already all over the place.

So last night. Amal, Andrea, Kate and I went to watch a movie, Jennifer's Body. Yeah, the reviews were spot on. It was a pointless movie. As a horror movie, it was horrible. It was funny, though. It was sick and funny. Shallow and stupid but entertaining. As Pawadee said, like the Twins on X-Factor. I would recommend it if you want a good night out but I would not recommend actually buying the DVD.

When we came back, Kate's door got locked and her keys were in her room so she got locked out. We hung out with her in the common room until she left to sleep in Sondrea's room. Pawadee, Amal and I then moved next door to Amal's room and while I was talking to anyone who IM-ed Amal, the two of them were taking silly candid pictures, seriously candid, not posed "candid". I know, the word has been butchered lately. It was one of the most childish things I've seen the two of them done in ages.

The night ended on a really tiring note but oh no, I am not done yet because I am such a hard core badass (not). I took everything off, make up, wet clothes and slipped into my bed in my comfy PJs and start watching the Private webshow. I know it sounds dodgy but it is not, it is just a web show adaptation of this book about bacsktabbing girls in a boarding house. To be honest, it was complete crap.

Reed was the only one with enough acting chops to pull off her character. Thomas was hot enough to be Thomas (although I imagined him to be a tad bit more leaner/skinnier, being a drug addict and all) but oh my effing gosh, he is a terrible actor. The only other person who looked like I imagined was Taylor but even then she is not that good of an actress.  The Josh was NOTHING like I expected him to be. God, this is annoying. Billings House was almost exactly as I expected it to be, though, so good for that.

That was my kick-start to the weekend. let's hope it is just going to get better. My money is running out quick though. I am really trying not to but I can not help it. Pffffsh. Town lagi today. And allowance day was not even a week ago. Life.

Sexy:

Definitely not Megan Fox. Haha. Well, instant noodles. Indomee for life!

Unsexy:

Movies/TV Shows based on books. Ruins the plot all the time. See, reading a book is sacred. Like, when a movie comes out and even if it is good, you know the little parts the movie producers skip. That part will always remain with you and other readers, not movie-goers. xD

READ A BOOK!

a picture speaks a thousand words

1. I got my HPV injection today. It hurts. My arm hurts. But not as much as I expected it to. I don't know. Might be more painful tomorrow. Because everyone had a painful experience to talk about but I don't. I want it to be painful so I can get all dramatic in my blog. It was quite painful this afternoon though. Then I had a sugar rush in the fair so I did not feel anything there.



2. Then there was Guy Fawkes Night. Quite an interesting history, that celebration. Click to read. Or watch V for Vendetta if you are the people who don't like to read. "Those" people. Haha.

I came to the fair with, except for a little part of a chocolate cake, an empty stomach. So I was a bit dizzy, low on sugar. My response to stimuli was to buy cotton candy and Toffee Apple. Last year, I was too disgusted to eat anything from the fair. This year it was quite clean and I went with "the one night where anything goes" mind set so I did not take too much notice. The toffee apple was amazing. I can tell you, it is half the experience of celebrating Guy Fawkes Night.

I rode one ride which was quite terrible. Embarassing, more like it. Then I settled with winning the games. I won 4 soft toys which you can see in the picture and a sword which is not in the picture. I was on a roll. Anything that seemed do-able, I can say I've done 'em all. The sword I am holding, like a cheap light saber, is one I bought for FIVE POUNDS! I could have gotten it in the one-eighty shop for B$1.80. Pfft. Then I bought the evil bunny ears for three pounds. It has moving lights which you obviously can not see in the picture.

I was walking back to the taxi area saying "May the force be with you!" and swooshing my  "light saber" around. One creepy person did an air-lightsaber thing when he passed me. I am an embarassing person to be with, I admit. I feel sorry for my friends.


Even though it is not much, this is one of the days when I feel like I am actually acting my age, being young. Not that I am usually mature or anything, but it is just that I don't usually have enough fun. Like if you have a quota for fun for each age. I only use 20% of the quota for a seventeen year old and tonight I had like, 75%. Huge improvement there.

<3 Happy.

Biology test tomorrow is such a damper.

Haven't done any prep. Two due tomorrow. Chem can be done in like, ten minutes so that should be fine. I think I am getting into the swing of things again. Chemistry A2 is nothing like Chemistry AS. So much harder. Maths is after lunch so I can do it during lunch. See, I've got it all worked out! :D Except for my biology test. Crap.






Sexy:
Can I say Guy Fawkes? Eventhough he wanted to bomb the parliament. It's funny how they named a whole day in a year for this dude who wanted to blow up the parliament. So all I have to do to get my own day is plan to bomb the parliament and get caught? It seems a bit demented, doesn't it?

Unsexy:
Mrs C's timign for a test. After Bonfire Night? Seriously?

Barry M, you rock!

Recently, I have turned into a girl who loves dressing up. I like to put on super thick make up and wigs and dresses and twirl around like a fool. Half an hour of being someone other than me is refreshing, you know. It's not just putting on nude make up and styling your hair a different way. I go all out for it. Pink wig, really bright green or blue eyeliner, glasses, thick shiny lipgloss.

So, unfortunately, with this recent obsession, I have spent quite a lot on unusually unnecesary useless things like my pink wig, to name one. I also bought a gold eyeliner just because I thought it would look cool for a little part of the eye to sparkle. So I bought this Barry M intense eyeliner. And I fell in love completely. I started buying another one than I got obsessed and bought another three. So now I have one in Pink, Gold, Black, Royal Blue and Green Emerald.

See, you know I've lost it when my blog post is inspired by an eyeliner.

So another funny thing happened to me, this morning as I was walking back to the house after registration. I was thinking of all the babies the teacher's brought during the fun run so naturally, I think of babies, I smile. So I was smiling and a person passed and I made eye contact with him while smiling, giving the impression that I was smiling at him. He looked down because that's what you do when you make accidental eye contact, you look away. But then he looked up again and I was still smiling and he had this look on his face that screams "Do I know this girl? Why is she smiling like an idiot?" I am so weird.

Aaaaaanyway, halfway through second period, I was hungry like the wolf *queue Duran Duran chorus* (oh btw, slight interruption, I bought Duran Duran album on itunes and I feel sad to say I enjoy it. Why can't I like normal music?). This is because they do not serve hash brown anymore. SO we had this conversation in the dinign room that went something liek this

Kate: Why don't they have hash browns anymore?
Sonia: Out of season.
Me: Not enough food and too late to go hunting (as in referrence to animals sticking up for winter. Bad joke, I know)
Pawadee: You can ask for it from the kitchen you know
Me: Not really. This place isn't like Bateman House. It's not a democracy.
Pawadee: A communist.
Me: I was thinking more along the lines of autocracy.

And that is how an innocent question about Hash browns turned into a conversation mocking the boarding people for stupid administration. See, our boarding mistress bought us a lot of food for the common room. Some girl in the main building complained that Bateman House was getting more food than them so Dr. McKinney was told to not buy anymore food for us. How stupid is that? Instead of making the two houses equal by making one better, they made it equal by making one worse. Bull shit.

Then I had this major headache which gave me a reason to sleep in the free time between school and supper, and to not do homework during prep. I did not even want to blog today. But then Pawadee gave me some ibuprofen and I got oh-so-inspired to write a post on Barry M Intense Eyeliner because I love it ever so much.



Tomorrow's Bonfire Night so I have to finish two days worth of homework tonight so I can go out tomorrow night and hit the sack immediately after the event. Oh I love Bonfire Night. Hoping to get some good shots. Which reminds me, I need to remove all the videos of me talking to myself to make some space for tomorrow. Till then, toodle-oo!







Sexy:
You guessed it. Barry M Intense Eyeliner. Who is this Barry M dude? I need to thank him.

Unsexy:
The Boarding House.

The future and the past

Dear twelve year old Muizzah,

First and foremost, try to not talk so much. Learn to not scream. Learn to pay attention in class. Teachers might seem like the bad guy for now, but they are not. When they give you homework, it is okay to spend an hour at night to sit down and do them.

About your period, it is okay that the rest of your classmates have had theirs already. Yours will come very soon, promise.

Listen to babah when he gives advice, it will be the best tips you'll get IN LIFE. No one else will give you advice any more useful than the ones Babah gives. Plus, they've got enough troubles as is, don't burden them with anymore.

Spend as much time as you can in Jerudong Park. Ride the waterlog until you feel like your heart will spill out of your chest if you take one more ride. Ride the rollercoasters until you feel like puking. No, do not swing too high because you might just kick a little kid. And if someone is using the swing, it is not okay to stand there with a frown and wait for them to finish.

Get out of that t-shirt and jeans and look for something more fabulous to wear, please, for the sake of all things good!

Spend less time in the canteen looking at them. Don't spend so much time thinking about the boy in the class next door who seems like the hottest guy in the planet, because he will move and you will forget about him.

Oh my God, do not, I repeat do NOT do what you did to that form three class anymore. Wait, nevermind, that's one of the few rebellious and delinquent-ish thing you will ever do in that school. Do not fight with anyone. Stay neutral on the expelled students matter.

Learn how to ride a bike.

Spend as much time as socially acceptable with your friends, they will still be your friends in the next eight years and hopefully, even after that.

Last but not least, HAVE FUN.

Love,
You.



PS: Hug nenek laki lumut for me.

Dear thirty year old Muizzah,

I hope you're well. I hope you'll survive A-Levels and live to read this. I hope you'll survive university. I hope you had fun in university, but I hope you did not have too much fun. I hope you went into your uni of choice.

Have you done atleast half the things I've listed in my to-do list? You better be, because you are not getting any younger. Speaking of which, did you take care of yourself well? You're thirty, I hope you look atleast 3 years younger. You've taken care of your skin, haven't you? Do not tell me you threw out all your beauty products because I am going to freak.

How's the job going? Is it all good? I am thinking, if I know you well enough, you are probably really stressed about the job but hang on there. I want to be an administrative officer, but really any administrative job will do. What have you done in the office so far? People treating you like shit or they liking you?


You know what, I don't really care if you have reached all three hundred or only three of the our goals. I just hope you are happy where you are now. I hope all is going well. I hope you'll get what you want real soon. 

It's okay if things go bad once in a while. Just remember, I am behind you in everything you do. Remember who your great grandfathers are. We are the people who never quit, aren't we? We are the people who'll fight tooth and claw for what we believe in.

Love,
You, thirteen years ago.

















Sexy:
Soco Amaretto Lime by BrandNew. Awesome song.

Unsexy:
The dark. I hate it.

Expectations, expectations, hard to live up to.

I have a few things to say today.

One, I saw a newspaper today. The headlines read "48 pages of children on their first day of school." I get it, that parents would want to see that but otherwise, what are you going to do with a 48 page spread of children? I'd be scared if you have anything in mind, seriously.

So Kate and I were walking down Mill Road today and on one of the shop windows, there was a shelf that was not exactly rotating but it was umm, dancing. It's quite hard to explain but it was just a mobile shelf right. So being us, Kate and I slowed down and "ooh"ed in front of the mirror. A guy walked past us and he looked inside too to see what was so interesting. That guy, being your normal average man, did not find anything interesting and he was just there and you can just imagine what he was thinking you know. Like these two schoolgirls getting amazed at like, nothing. It was just so funny and embarassing.

So like I said I went to Mill Road and there is only one thing to get there; FOOD. So I got ten pounds worth of Indomee (40 packets in one box). I also went to Chicken Cottage. When I got home, I found that the cashier has put in like, 4 pieces of spicy wings which I did not order, and I thought,"Oh my God, these people are so nice!" Immediately, I realised my wrong. I have judged a person's character on the free food that he has given me. How wrong is that? Oh, he gave me free food, he's a good man. You know? He might be, for all I know but it's just funny that I have made a decision based on the fact that he gave me free food. Loser.

Then I came across this wikipedia page about Hairy Ball Theorem. Someone out there have actually spent years studying about the way to comb a hairy ball without creating a tuft of hair at each pole while noticing that you can easily comb a hairy doughnut. A HAIRY DOUGHNUT. Now I am sure man kind has lost the one thing that separate them from the animals in the jungle, their brains.

You know, there are tons of made-for-teens-but-only-watched-by-preteens-who-desperately-want-to-be-a-teenager movies out there. Despite the various creative storylines *lie*, some things always stay constant. I would like to take the honour of pointing each and everyone of them out.

1- Very attractive lead actress and actor. Biggest point yet. It is not a valid Disney/"teen" movie lest the leads are super attractive people.

2- One of the lead, be it the girl or the boy, has to be good at everything. School, sports, witty one-liners and yet, for many different "teenager"y reasons, they have to be a nerd. Boo.

3- Oh the ever so popular brooding perfect other who always, always have society or their parents pushing them to be better and they are "never good enough." Oh how tragic!

4- The sidekicks who have no life and answers to every whim and whines of the leads. If they are lucky, they might get together with the other sidekick. Usually less attractive people. Never complains about always being in the shadow. More often than not, they are Asian.

5- There is always, always, always a villain. The villain can not just be bitchy. They always have to be mean and super evil and make funny evil faces when they talk.

6- Happy ending ofcourse! Duh!

If I have missed anything, you are free to inform me and I shall update.

Then there is the whole Americans-take-on-England kind of movies. Wild Child and Winning London to name a few. There is always these things about England that they always get spot-on *more lies*. Perfectly right, and these things are hugely emphasised in the movie.

1- All English people, rich or poor, old or young, speak in a posh high class British accent. No exceptions.

2- Their names also have to be ridiculously posh, like James or Charles or Elizabeth or Charlotte. None of those nonsense about nicknames, Jack, Chuck, Lizzie, Charlie whatever. They stay true to the names on their certificate.

3- The English are always seen as softies. And for God knows why, it is a bad thing.

I ran out of ideas. I was thinkign of a lot of stuff, then it just went away. I don't know. This whole MUN thing is getting to me. Then there is the fact that the teachers are starting to pile homework up. Then I start missing The Mother already. See, what I need to do in these situations is stuff my face in a pile of junk food while watching communitychannel on Youtube. I can't even do that because a)Youtube takes up a lot of internet credit and b)I have to do my MUN speech. Payatrak youuuuuu.

Ooh, remind me to blog about my "adventure" on my way back to Cambridge from Newcastle after halfterm last Sunday. w00t w00t.

Sexy:

Free periods, I loooooooove you!

Unsexy:

Homework. I know homework is good but is it really necessary for each one of my teachers to give me 5 hours of homework a day. FYI, I have eight teachers. Shabooyah.